...my liver and kidneys still seem to be functioning well within normal levels. I know, I actually almost keeled over from shock when I visited my doctor today and received the results of my blood tests. In fact, not only are most of my vital organs unliquified, but my calcium levels are high and the essential vitamins and minerals have not yet been washed away by the booze deluge. So this leaves me with one question, why am I still made of peanut brittle? I think I need to revisit my earlier suspicion that I was probably sauced one night this summer and suffered a fall from some height without any recollection the following morning.
And a word about my blood test: of course the doctor calls me and leaves a cryptic message--on Friday afternoon no less (those doctors do love selling the drama)--about wanting to "speak with me" regarding the "results of my tests." Or as CC put it, "Nat, she's probably just going to tell you that you no longer have any blood, it's all saccharin and Crema Lita." So I of course can't get in touch with Dr. Rackoff that afternoon, and leave her a slightly panicked message in between the very calm and composed fact-checking calls that I was making all day Friday.
Monday morning I get a message from a Jackie at Kastenbaum's office (remember Dr. Kastenbaum is my orthopedist, Dr. Rackoff is my rheumatologist...see kids, this is what you have to look forward to in the next 40 years) saying that she got my message Friday afternoon and could be reached at so-and-so number. Anyway, I was a little confused why his office was calling me since they didn't do any blood tests, so I call this Jackie back and leave a long message on her machine, explaining that Dr. Rackoff's office had taken the blood tests, that I was concerned, blah blah blah. A few hours later, no word from Jackie. I'm perusing my fact-checking for the Auctions listings: heard back from Sotheby's, Christie's, Swann, but no word yet from the small auction house that's selling off an original Hebrew text from 1492...Kestenbaum & Company. Yup, are we putting two and two together? I basically poured out my infectious disease history on the answering machine of some uptight, British lady working publicity for the leading auction house of Judaica treasures in Manhattan. Although my internal organs are working properly (again, Hail Mary) it's quite obvious that my brain function is severely impaired.
did the voice mail you left include a bid?
Posted by: hub | November 10, 2004 at 12:31 PM