Looks like Ellen Is Goin' to Hell-n

There's still quite a bit meteorologists don't know about the natural phenomenon of hurricanes.  Sure, they've studied evaporation-condensation cycles, converging wind patterns and pressure gradients, but in the end we're still left with several patchy grey areas concerning the reason that hurricanes form.

Until now.

Pat Robertson, founder of the Christian Broadcasting network and recognized religious leader (and therefore obviously an authority on everything) has proposed a solution that has embarrassingly escaped scientists, meteorologists, and geophysicists worldwide.  It's simple, really.  It's Ellen DeGeneres.

In this article on Dateline Hollywood online, this zealot actually made the claim that, “By choosing an avowed lesbian for this national event, these Hollywood elites have clearly invited God’s wrath,” henceforth Hurricane Katrina.  An "avowed lesbian"?  Pat Robertson is an avowed psychotic.

I hate this man.  I know that that's a strong word to use, and rarely can I say that I honestly "hate" anything (except those resealable bags that don't really reseal, I HATE those, ugh), but I thought to myself, if I walked outside of my building at this very moment and Pat Robertson should pass in front of me, I would seriously kick him in the rear and out into traffic with the hopes that some large moving vehicle, perhaps a bus or cement truck, would flatten him into something as ugly and 2-dimensional as his system of beliefs.  The woman (Ellen) was visibly distraught on her first show, recounting stories of her family and friends that have lost everything, and though I didn't see the telethon she hosted, my friend told me that she was weepy and emotional the entire time.  Now this gargantuan asshole is saying that she's the cause of it?  Not only that, but he also went so far as to make a link between the September 11th attacks and Ellen's last stint as Emmy host!  Talk about deconstructing someone's self worth.

The most terrifying thing, however, is that he announced this none sense on The 700 Club which has one million viewers.  So not only did one million people witness the statement firsthand, but about that many probably believe it as well.  Well, we can't let Ellen take all the credit now--you should see Melissa Etheridge and Rosie O'Donnell duking out for the tsunami.  Yikes, stay away from that one.

Well, I've gotta run.  Got to do excessive Kegel exercises to cause some tidal waves.  Luckily, they're all directed towards the Bible Belt. 

Comments

[Chef Pot Roast]

I also was told that Mr. Robertson has apparently provided a list of names of homosexuals in the entertainment industry to the entertainment industry to let them know who NOT to choose to host or present at any of these events. I bet if you traced his lineage, you could go all the way back to the Salem Witchhunts. Brother Robertson's great, great, great, great Grandfather probably led those.

[Chef Pot Roast]

This is my favorite part of the article:

"In order to avoid further tragedy, Robertson called not only for the Television Academy to find a new heterosexual host, but to bar all homosexuals and bisexuals from taking part in the ceremony.

He said employees at the Christian Broadcasting Network had put together a list of 283 nominees, presenters, and invited guests at the Emmys known to be of sexually deviant persuasions."

I wish I were on the list! Perhaps Brother Robertson should team up with Tom Cruise for some more "crazy" antics. Oh, but then, Mr. Robertson would have to pretend that Tom Cruise isn't gay. I mean, he HAS to be gay; just look at the boy in a dress that he claims to be in love with!

[sarah]

Alas, it's not really true. I mean, it's true he's a religious, freaky, homophobic, right wing maniac, but not that he blamed hurricane katrina on ellen. the site you referenced is all about entertainment satire and describes itself as "the onion meets daily variety" -

http://www.boingboing.net/2003/07/28/hollywood_news_satir.html

[Heathen Homo]

"...and now over to our own Fox 5 weather authority, Mike."

"Thanks, Kristen. Well, folks, looks like we're in for another Homosexual-Related Weather Phenomenon this evening with thunderstorms, localized flooding, golf ball-sized hail and a 70% chance of a plague of locusts in the norther tri-state..."