fupafighter

Rejection #1

Ah well, it was bound to happen--yet another girl wants to be "just friends" with me. What makes this particular incident extra special is the fact that we haven't even met yet. So basically, based on an exchange of a few casual emails and four photos, this girl has deemed me "awesome" and total friend material. Okay, seriously, how ugly am I that I've been relegated straight to the friend status without even a face-to-face meeting? Anyway, why would someone be on a dating website to be looking for friends--the site has the word Cupid in it--you know, that mythological Roman god of love in all it's various forms?? Okay, not that, how about that little chubby blonde dude who looks like a giant baby and flies all around carrying a bow and arrow that, supposedly, possesses the magical ability to instantaneously make people fall in love? Was she confused or oblivious to this reference when making her profile and taking the "compatibility" tests? WTF??

I love the "just" part, as well. You can't say, I'm looking for friends, it has to be just friends. As if the just is really needed in there to further clarify the fact that there's no way in hell my tubby ass will ever be your girlfriend, thanks. I get it. Saying "let's be friends" pretty much encapsulates everything you're trying to say, which is essentially "I'm not attracted to you but I think you're really funny so let's be buddies." Friends, fine. Just friends--asshole.

I'm off to a great start with this, aren't I?

OK, Cupid

I've done it again. No, I didn't forget to remove my prior day's underwear from the pant leg of my jeans so it  peeks out from the bottom when I wear the jeans again, but rather, I signed up on (another) dating website. Now I've been down this road before--I feel an old comraderie with Match.com and there have been a few others that I don't care to mention here. I either get bored with the whole culture of "winking" and "poking" or I end up in brief correspondences with women that suddenly fall off the face of the earth. It doesn't upset me--how could it, I've never had the opportunity to meet any of them face to face. There have been a few first-dates here and there--most of them pleasant, most of them unmemorable, and a few (one) that was pretty horrific (but at least memorable).

Due to this lackluster track record with Match, I was kind of hesitant to dip my toe into the cyber-dating waters again. But a fellow single-lady coworker of mine suddenly seemed to experience a surge of dates, and upon inquiring as to the vehicle of her success, she directed me towards a site I had never heard of--OkCupid.com. Okay, the name is cheesy and to be expected, but honestly, the application and site itself is, I shudder to say it, fun. It's more like a Facebook than anything else, and although it does have the characteristics of typical dating sites--the winks, the match percentage, the who's viewed your profile--there's more of a carefree aspect to it. I'm not sure what it is--I find that when I'm perusing through profiles or taking their little tests, I'm not clenching my butt cheeks together and stressing out as to whether or not I'm coming off as a stalker or a tool or a combo of both. It's a website that actually (gasp) allows people to interact without the hangups that naturally happen when you begin corresponding with someone on a website that's sole purpose is to form relationships between singles.

Maybe it's this--or, maybe it's the fact that for some reason I've been experiencing a lot of activity (read winks, emails, actual interest) since signing up. I'm not used to this attention, so I guess I'm singing OkCupid's praises and touting it as, like, the BEST website ever! I'm sure this will change once I get blown off, stood up, and/or blindsided by crazies. Or has the cycle been broken?

For Realz

I don't really know why I'm back here. And I'm certainly confused as to why I keep paying a monthly fee to retain this domain name. Maybe it's because if I let go, then I let go of my one attempt at keeping a forum for "writing" (and the practice thereof) open. It's because I'm afraid to admit that I don't want to be doing this and hence, admitting, that I've failed. That's okay--the time I let this go, hopefully, something bigger and better will have come my way and I can comfortably say ce la vie to the Fupafighter. But for now, she stays, and I'm going to keep promising not to neglect her. These promises will spatter way like little raindrops off water-resistant coating.

I noticed that my last post, over two years ago now, was titled 30 Years Ago. That's kind of ironic, because I just turned 30 last month and have felt a lot of, oh, let's call them "issues," with this new age bracket. There hasn't been anything concrete, really, but just the mundane freak-out that suddenly my twenties, my douche-baggery and alcohol-fueled twenties, have suddenly slipped away. I'm glad to see them go, really, nothing good came out of my twenties. But that's the problem I face--a blank slate ahead of me and no solid foundation to continue building upon. The funny stories are embarrassing. The good nights out were centered around boozing. I know, I'm no different than anyone, but why couldn't I lodge my head at least a few inches out of my ass at like 27? Why am I 30 and one month and staring straight at my colon?

Well, here's my first attempt and something different. Older. Responsible. Aware. Me (oh yes, of course, it's still all about me, did I not make that clear from the get-go?). Maybe it'll be another two years before I come back. I hope not, I hope I don't have to start my post talking about how I'm 32 and feel like I let 30 slip through my fingers. So here we go. I'm giving myself a fighting, writing, chance...